I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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