I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
