i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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