I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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