im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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