He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
