I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
