if you like me you must not know who I am
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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