yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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