you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
