Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
