dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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