He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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