yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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