My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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