I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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