Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
