it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
false alarm, still single
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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