My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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