My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
