My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
