She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize