i think my mom watched the whole time
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
