Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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