Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
