Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
