like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
