I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
