Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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