my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
