Is it because I queefed?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
