it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
