How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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