oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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