the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
