Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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