I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
