i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
