what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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