There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
