THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
