She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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