in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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