I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
