I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
