please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
