He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
