God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
