okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
