im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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