I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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