I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
