Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
