i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
