To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
