I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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