i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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