Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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