I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
