I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Help. Why am I so naked?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
