The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
