I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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