I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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