God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What a dumb baby whore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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