Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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