so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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