Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
