Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
