It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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