he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out