Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.