dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.