I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face