I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.