She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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