I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
