Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
